PRESENATIONS OR COMMISSIONS?

In my experience there is a difference between being commissioned to make a glass item for a customer and getting involved with a group of people to make something which will be presented to a person as a mark of appreciation for services rendered. This could be a glass hammer for a fitter who has worked for a company who is about to retire and his or her colleagues wanted to present something special which reflected his skills. I have made such objects and also lightbulbs for electricians, screwdrivers for technicians, computers with a glass mouse (animal version) for an IT guru, glass batons and pistols for retired police officers. The list is endless and goes on and on.

I was first introduced to the demands of presentation glassware over forty years ago when I started working for a large organisation. Two days into my first week saw the Assistant Director walk into my glass department where I was learning what it was like being in charge. I was asked to make a yard of ale which I gladly did as it was part of my job or was it? I was employed as a scientific glassblower to make complex glass technical items so why on earth did someone want me to produce some gimmicky item? Well, this yard of ale was to be presented to a member of staff who was due to retire. Funny thing was that I had to calibrate and engrave words on it. Five marks on the stem were identified as sober, tipsy, drunk, paralytic, and absolutely pissed! It was my first step into this wonderful world of glass. I would be asked to make anything and if I held my nerve I could.

It seemed my employer then had employed me for the sole purpose of making presentation glassware for staff members who were leaving either to another job or retiring. As I appeared key in the process of people leaving, I was often asked to the actual presentations. One memorable event involved the usual speeches and handing over of gifts which included a glass golfer that I had made. Obviously, the retiree was a golfer. Some bright spark had decided to place the glass on top of another gift which was a television. All throughout the speeches I watched this glass golfer slide very slowly to the edge of the top of the television. As the applause died down “my” glass fell to the ground, rolled over and died in fragments of glass. I didn’t go to many presentations after that!

Body parts are fun to make. A colleague was leaving one business to join another who made suppositories so naturally I was asked to make a glass bottom. My usual approach on making anything is to ask for photos of the item that I am meant to create but, in this situation, I had no need as we all know what bottoms look like don’t, we? Only in this case the request came with a condition that on one cheek I was to put a pimple. Easy I thought and just plonked a glass blob on. Result was probably the first treble cheeked bum!

Parts of bodies seem to be popular as presentation pieces for those that work in healthcare. So, I have made, hearts, lungs, kidneys, and several bones which of course are all internal or should be. As far as glass body parts that are visible (well in most cases!) then the list is endless with feet, hands, mouths, penises, and breasts amongst the collection. The latter caused me issues in the past in that I had to add breasts to a male figure when I mistook a request for a sports figure to be masculine when in fact the customer required a lady. A surgeon who specialises in screwing bones back together retired and I was asked by his staff to make a hollow foot with a real metal screw inside. Bit off a rattle and toe that one!

Some really complicated glass pieces were and still are items I am unfamiliar with such as the equipment used to remove tyres from wheel trims. A garage mechanic was moving on and his mates at the tyre centre thought it would be fun to give him a glass tyre getter offer or whatever the technical term is. As usual I was given the picture and duly followed the image which ended well. Sometimes I don’t get given any photos and have to rely on memories or my own research. I was asked to make a Porsche car and the customer parked the said car outside my studio for me to sketch. I am no great drawer so pretended to walk around the car muttering about angles and perspective. When the customer left (in his car) I just reseached the shapes on the internet.

Some requests for presentation pieces are very specific. One for a teacher soon to retire was a glass figure representing herself at a switchboard with a boy and girl standing by the side of her. The figures and switchboard on a table were all mounted on a wooden base and attached was a brass plate engraved. Most presentation pieces are personalised, usually with the persons name on and date they retired, left the company or organisation, or died. The latter may seem a bit bizarre (not to me), but I have made presentation glass sculptures that were fixed on peoples graves in Thurso cemetery. It gives me a certain type of pleasure as I wander around the place seeing my craftmanship weathering the storm so to speak. Glass can be very resilient to most weather conditions.

One car I did make for a grave turned into a failure in that the customer did not like it. Always a risk, not for the recipient but for the person or in most cases it’s a group of people who have commissioned me to make the object of glass appreciation. I was asked to make a glass Vauxhall Astra to be presented to the family of a boy racer who had died. It was to be placed on the grave at the funeral. The person came to me to collect it but thought it looked like an Opel. Maybe boy racers wouldn’t be seen dead in such a vehicle? As is what sometimes happens, the customer came back with his friends to tackle me in the hope that I would be intimidated by a group of people in my studio shouting abuse. Obviously, I was but never showed it (I don’t think so) and they were a bit speechless when I picked up a hammer and smashed the car in front of their eyes.