CHINESE LANTERNS APLENTY in 2008

I’ve eaten in many a Chinese restaurant all over the UK but here’s a review of a Chines restaurant in same street as me, a minutes’ walk away! Another restaurant review from the archives of mine. Can’t eat there now as its just a takeaway. Little piece of history here though.

So, it was the week following our “Chinese” that Thurso would ignite in brightness through Christmas officially being turned on? In Charlie Chans, (or “Yummy Yummy” stated on the menu), customers were already being tuned on in a bathe of searchlight like beam which a size equalling the exact size of the dining area. These bright size portions gave diners an opportunity to study the wallpaper and really soak up the lack of ambience. I was familiar with my companion’s face but had I not then there was no hiding place for the wry smile or flickering eyes! Some often wonder why Caithness was chosen as a site for a nuclear reactor at Dounreay. The answer can now be revealed. It was to provide enough electricity to keep the Chinese Restaurant afloat with enough watts to sink a junk!

Some restaurants are famous for good reasons, and some earn, (?), the reputation for being completely awful. Others such as Thurso’s Chinese restaurant fall in a middle category of type baffling mortality, that of being incredibly practical. Chairs, table, and food. That’s it, what more does one need. All very sensible, like being wrapped up well for a cold day. Appropriate thought since the premise were freezing and that includes the toilets, where the windows were left open to let the freezing weather in to warm up the place! Two portable heaters were not enough, and, in any case, they were switched off towards the end of the meal. No wonder the staff were huddled together near the bar. Not as an act of unification or Chinese gang customs but just to keep flipping warm. One theory was that the light bulbs would provide the heat and if one was a moth then there might be some element of truth in this. We are human!!!!! (Ref. “Killers”).

At least there was somewhere to hang one’s coats and this was pointed out to us on request as we had just walked past the hooks. Shown to our table it was hands onto the warm prawn crackers to get the blood circulating again. Noses suitably “de-redded,” attention focused on the colour of alcohol and surprise surprise a lesson in Martini drinking followed. Negations concluded that several decades of hard drinking resulted in a switch of taste buds from sweet to dry as Rosso was declined. As guests we were sweet enough, I am sure, although I remain sceptical in the liquid refreshment department having a feeling that the population explosion of China is similarly matched to the amounts of different brands of Martin available. One knows where one is with malt! And no house wines, not even a pagoda special! Making do with a quarter bottle at least gave an opportunity to encourage the mathematical genes in that drinking wine this way proved cheaper than buying by the whole bottle. By the third quarter, who’s counting and who cares!

It took many pages turning back and forth for the menu to be absorbed and I am sure we would have chosen quicker without interruption from our waitress, but she did a wonderful job in explaining certain descriptions. The candles for keeping the food hot were obvious and starters suitable positioned in-between us as we did admit to sharing. I never did find out if that referred to the costs or food. Notwithstanding, we both tucked in and worked out who was to have what as neither of us wanted it all. The dipping was fun in that this gave exercise to the fingers to slow any dropping.

Onto the main course, but not before more drinks; bottles and cans suitably removed to make more space on the table. Janice’s chicken fried rice was served directly in front of her, even on a plate, whilst my duck benefited from sitting on a hot plate roasting his or her cheeks. My skills of serving myself did leave a few mouthfuls for others, as the portions were plenty. Opposite me the meal was very slowly disappearing in spite of several drinking intervals. My companion has been known for her sauce so no surprises that more was requested in the shape of a bottle of soy.

Reflecting with the “bill” and the challenge of how to remove a piece of paper from a biscuit gave the opportunity for a toilet break. Here even more reflective time to think how the smallest room in the “house” would have benefited from having its own hotplate to sit on. Suddenly I was jealous of that duck.

Feeling the comforting warmth of winter wash our faces as we left the restaurant, the walk home was invigorating to say the least. Once again conversation flowed as did the whisky and martini. At the end, who cares about the taste or flavour of food and drink as long as the wit is dry, and the care is sweet!