A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON THE WAY TO PAISLEY

Actually, it wasn’t that funny but that won’t stop me writing this blog! The story starts last year when I visited the Big Art Show in paisley. I was wowed by nearly 2000 works of art displayed in the old Alders building. Alders was a departmental store which had branches all over the UK. One of which was in Croydon where I was born so often visited this store which was regarded as very posh at the time. Now it’s so sad seeing such buildings empty. But hey what a fab idea to turn these wastelands into paradises of art. I wanted to be part of this and promised myself that I would enter my glass sculptures. Hence this year’s adventurous journey from Thurso to Paisley carrying six glass sculptures!

Glass can be fragile, but it can also be strong. All centres on design and my glass are designed to take some rough treatment such as banging around in shopping bags in a crowded railways station. As long as it’s wrapped up well in bubble wrap and movement restricted then all should be well. Before all this however I had to jump through the hoops of submission which sounds like a sex slave game!!! Err it’s not!

The Big Art Show is managed by outspokenarts.org/about/ with artists submitting work using a clever(for me it is) online system titled Art Call Online Art Call Submission & Jury Software | ArtCall.org This was so clever that it seemed to accept all six of my submissions as it emailed me six times! Not only that but when I delivered all six entries, I received six separate confirmation emails to tell me the glass had been delivered. I know I was there!

People are often deterred from entering exhibitions due to the challenges of delivering their work to the venue. For me it is a challenge I decided was worth the effort this situation. I decided to drive to Inverness as safer to carry glass in a car than a bus. Foolishly the glass which was packed in two shopping bags decided to fall off the back seat as I drove the twisty roads around Berridale. It certainly was a good test of my packing. From Inverness my chosen transport was the train and here the fun begun.

My train ticket which was held in my mobile told me I was booked on coach D, giving the impression that there were four coaches, namely, A, B , C and D. Of course, there was only three and all passengers were told to sit where they liked. I sat next to a table specifically so I could place one large bag of glass on the table. This meant of course that no one else could use the table. Others tried to help me by asking could they put my bag up on the luggage rack. I screamed NO! and explained what was in the bags. I thought that by explaining I was an artist they would all move away and sit as far away as possible, but it didn’t work. Probably as there were no spare seats.

One of my sculptures involved a Caithness Glass bowl that was half filled with sand. I had borrowed this sand from Thurso Beach and had put it in double layered plastic bags securely contained in my rucksack which I was happy to store in the luggage rack. Unfortunately, during the journey, the bags must have split as I notice a few grains of sand full onto the passenger opposite me. I spied this through the handle of the bag in the sake knowledge that they could not see me. After a handful of sand had christened them, they looked around to see where on earth this sand was falling from. Not Heaven me thinks! I apologised eventually and made the excuse that my egg timer must have broken which I know sounds painful but who was going to argue? By now I had reached Glasgow and looking forward to a night out on the town without any glass 9except the type one drinks from!). Trouble was I couldn’t get through the gates at the station for when I put my bags down to swipe the QR code although the gates opened by the time I had picked up my bags the gales had closed. Again and again, this happen, and I felt like a nodding Muppet!! A member of staff helped me out by taking my phone from me and then placed it heavily back in one of my bags on top of my glass. Another test of good packaging.
I reached the handing in location on time and was very relived to unpack all six sculptures which were still as they were when they left Thurso 24 hours beforehand. i. e. not broken!

As I relaxed outside the exhibition venue which was on the first floor of a disused departmental store a boy about nine years old came up to me to say he was lost. I looked at him and wondered if this was really true as he looked calm and smiling. He tried to take my hand but I smelt a rat, in fact I smelt a few things, none of them pleasant. Was this a set up? Was I being groomed? Was there CCTV cameras ready to catch me out to make it look like I was kidnapping an innocent child? Was he going to lure me into a people smuggling ring of Paisley? I sent him off to look for his parents/carers down the escalator. Whilst I would wait to see if he found anyone. He didn’t of course and swiftly return to me. I said I would go and look for someone else to help and left the building and never returned. How awful is that? Maybe in November when I collect my unsold work he will still be there. I am praying I sell all my pieces and don’t have to return! Drat but vanity will force me to as I want to see my glass displayed with all the other art.