CONFESSIONS OF A DEMONSTRATOR

As I woke up in a stuffy Manchester Travelodge room (the windows were locked for safety reasons, keeping intruders out or me fleeing? ) I thought about dying and the freedom of death. I mean if I was no more then I would not have to negotiate the unknown public transport journey to the World of Glass in St Helens, Merseyside for the International Festival of Glass. This involved double checking train times three times and requesting a taxi purely based on the safe reassurance and comfort that the name of the taxi company is the same as an artist colleague of mine (Critchley).

I had applied to the Glass Art Society(GAS) last year to offer my services to show off my skills as a scientific glassblower, thinking I would be accepted without question. It took months before they agreed. I suppose they asked everyone else and they were too busy making money. Yes of course, I would be paid but £300 hardly covered two nights in a hotel let alone a Travelodge! Then the train fares to Manchester from Glasgow here I had to endure an overnight stay only made bearable by a meal in Wetherspoons!

I selected Manchester to stay since it was only half an hour on the train to St Helens. Silly me not realising that there are two stations in St Helens, Central and the Junction. From Manchester Piccadilly I could easily get to St Helens Junction, but the World of Glass was nearer to St Helens Central. Hence the need for a taxi.

I had agreed to bring my own tools and glass and worked out that it could fit in my rucksack and sure it did. The fact that it weighed 25 tons was irrelevant since without the contents I was a dead man! Ahhhh there goes my imagination again.

I arrived at the venue along with my wife who I promised St Helens has wonderful shops (lie) and proceeded to locate the nearest toilet to where I was meant to be showing off my skills. What was I going to make? The plan was to use my technical skills to produce something recognisable that alluded to art. After all I was surrounded by famous artists so better deliver. The idea I would make a figure, any figure not male nor female nor anything in-between. Although I think it was a close shave when I added a tail to the hollow body it did resemble a penis! But hey that’s creativeness for you. The figure was hollow since I wanted to pretend to be a surgeon and do a glass heart operation which involved me opening the glass chest and inserting a blue heart as I had no red glass.

The audience clapped at one stage and that was well before I finished. I don’t know whether I enjoyed it, but the whole demo kept me quiet for 90 minutes. That isn’t true since I was fitted with a microphone wrapped around my head to offer a running commentary. Weirdly my nose also started running and so there I was, speaking through a microphone, wiping my dripping nose on my hand and blowing hot glass.

Never again? Wait and see!!!!!!!!