ED’S CRACK APRIL 2020

Are you worth £60 an hour? Apparently that’s the recognised rate for the average lampworker! Who wants to be average though? For half that price I might settle for mediocre!

I have a new toy. I have a new baby. Call it whatever you like but in reality it’s a kiln. Could be an oven as I know that’s what I call it. After nearly thirty years of use my trusted oven that I had used to anneal glass without thinking, let me down. It wasn’t very dramatic. A few elements misbehaving, the door not closing properly and the thermostat developing a rather rebellious nature of racing tens of degrees over the set point! In addition I was suspicious of why the electrical plug became as hot as the oven and one needed Kevlar gloves to switch off the mains switch. Apparently it was dangerous to the operator when the door was opened as the power never switched off. The replacement is a top loader whereas my experience was limited to front loaders so I was nervous to pile my wonderful glass sculptures into the chamber on top of each other. I had asked the supplier to set the controls not for the heart of the sun but at a temperature that is recognised as the annealing point of borosilicate. The oven (I refuse to call it a kiln as that seems a word used by ceramicists) has a neat digital controller where up to sixteen programmes can be pre-set. Apparently I could if I wanted to ramp up, down and around a drain pipe and soak until my heart’s content. It is heavy at 90Kgs so it’s great there are wheels provided. It arrived on a pallet which the delivery man said I could keep. How kind, although living on the far North coast of Scotland that’s the least he could have said and I quickly proceeded to set fire to it to keep warm! You may be wondering where I bought the kiln from, who made it and what make and model is it.

A company called Kilncare Ltd based in Stoke on Trent have recently started producing the “IKON” range of kilns which seemed to fill my need and hence an order was placed. Of course when I explained where I lived then the compulsory surcharge of delivery costs was applied. It wasn’t too painful and unlike a competitor I contacted at least Kilncare did deliver. I helpful sent photographs of what my house and garage looked like to the Company and awaited the promised phone call to say kiln, van and driver were in the location. It was on a Saturday morning when my wife and I were in bed discussing the merits of living in the Third World when I heard a nose which seemed like a lost tourist struggling with a huge suitcase on wheels “running” to the nearby railway station. I looked out to see a white van parked opposite and a man pulling a pallet truck/trolley with a large elephant like creature on wrapped up in bubble wrap. Instantly I recognised it as my eagerly anticipated kiln. Rushing out the front door and remembering to put slippers and dressing gown on I beckoned to the man with a shout of “Oi bring me my kiln here”! A quick up and over with the garage door and within two minutes pallet with load aboard positioned safely. Great way to start the weekend and it all worked just fine.

Annealing glass seems to some to be a “black art”. One conjures up wonderful designs only for it to shatter if the stress is not magically sucked from it. How do you know if an annealing process is working? Well that’s why strain viewers were invented! Yet how many of us use them to check glass is indeed free from harmful stresses? Goodness knows how coloured glass is checked. I could easily check on my new oven by viewing glass for stress before and after, thus confirming my cycle was set appropriately.

Coloured glass and bottle banks confuse me to the extent that I don’t see the point in separating green, brown and clear bottles from each other. They all end up in the same place. I feel conned as for years I have been dutifully taking my empty bottles to the range of bottle banks. They are all labelled according to the contents and users are urged to place only clear glass in the clear glass bottle bank. I witnessed a lorry arrived and empty the banks when it dawned on me that there really is no point is colour separation. I dream of a day where societies and we as humans follow the example of bottle banks. Let’s mix it up baby!!!!